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Thread: N(o)(o)B

  1. February 5th, 2012 #101
    MaudKip
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    The last time I had a salad I was disappointed at the lack of croutons.


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    Quote Originally Posted by runestone View Post
    Maud: Mom, I accidentally shot someone in the head while stoned.
    Mom: (Stops mixing cookie dough and puts hands on hips) Oh, Maudie-plop! Whatever shall we do with you?
    Maud: (Looks down at floor and shuffles feet nervously) IDK, just kill me I guess.
    Mom: (Attempts to brush Maud's hair with her hands) Listen, I want that long face gone, Mister. You know the drill.
    Maud: Yes mom. I'll get the handsaw and tomahawk from the shed.
    Mom: Don't forget to set the woodchipper up in the back yard. Is the body already in the bathtub?
    Maud: Not yet, still in the trunk. I used that plastic wrap to minimise forensics like you taught me.
    Mom: Good boy. Anyway, who'd you finish off this time?
    Maud: Steve.
    Mom: Not that Steve from down at the hardware store...
    Maud: No, not THAT Steve. You know, that cop Steve who's always taking our pot and smoking it himself.
    Mom: Well I'll be! You've sure got us in a pickle this time!
    Maud: I got his gun, cuffs and radio and threw them off the bridge on the way home. Fingers are removed but the teeth are still in there.
    Mom: Well that's a start, I guess. Now get out to that shed - there's work to be done! Here - take a cookie. I've made a little monkey face out of M&M's just the way you like it.
    Maud: Can I have a Dr. Pepper, too?
    Mom: Don't push it.

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  2. February 5th, 2012 #102
    Hobophobic
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    Salad isn't food; salad is what food eats.
    Now the cops got tanks 'cause the kids got guns
    Shrinks pushin' pills on everyone
    Cancer from the ocean, cancer from the sun
    Straight to Hell we go
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  3. February 5th, 2012 #103
    MaudKip
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    I guess you missed my joke.


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    Quote Originally Posted by runestone View Post
    Maud: Mom, I accidentally shot someone in the head while stoned.
    Mom: (Stops mixing cookie dough and puts hands on hips) Oh, Maudie-plop! Whatever shall we do with you?
    Maud: (Looks down at floor and shuffles feet nervously) IDK, just kill me I guess.
    Mom: (Attempts to brush Maud's hair with her hands) Listen, I want that long face gone, Mister. You know the drill.
    Maud: Yes mom. I'll get the handsaw and tomahawk from the shed.
    Mom: Don't forget to set the woodchipper up in the back yard. Is the body already in the bathtub?
    Maud: Not yet, still in the trunk. I used that plastic wrap to minimise forensics like you taught me.
    Mom: Good boy. Anyway, who'd you finish off this time?
    Maud: Steve.
    Mom: Not that Steve from down at the hardware store...
    Maud: No, not THAT Steve. You know, that cop Steve who's always taking our pot and smoking it himself.
    Mom: Well I'll be! You've sure got us in a pickle this time!
    Maud: I got his gun, cuffs and radio and threw them off the bridge on the way home. Fingers are removed but the teeth are still in there.
    Mom: Well that's a start, I guess. Now get out to that shed - there's work to be done! Here - take a cookie. I've made a little monkey face out of M&M's just the way you like it.
    Maud: Can I have a Dr. Pepper, too?
    Mom: Don't push it.

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  4. February 5th, 2012 #104
    Hobophobic
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    I guess so. I'm not firing on all cylinders today. That or I just have no idea what you were getting at.
    Now the cops got tanks 'cause the kids got guns
    Shrinks pushin' pills on everyone
    Cancer from the ocean, cancer from the sun
    Straight to Hell we go
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  5. February 5th, 2012 #105
    MaudKip
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    Tossing salad.`


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    Quote Originally Posted by runestone View Post
    Maud: Mom, I accidentally shot someone in the head while stoned.
    Mom: (Stops mixing cookie dough and puts hands on hips) Oh, Maudie-plop! Whatever shall we do with you?
    Maud: (Looks down at floor and shuffles feet nervously) IDK, just kill me I guess.
    Mom: (Attempts to brush Maud's hair with her hands) Listen, I want that long face gone, Mister. You know the drill.
    Maud: Yes mom. I'll get the handsaw and tomahawk from the shed.
    Mom: Don't forget to set the woodchipper up in the back yard. Is the body already in the bathtub?
    Maud: Not yet, still in the trunk. I used that plastic wrap to minimise forensics like you taught me.
    Mom: Good boy. Anyway, who'd you finish off this time?
    Maud: Steve.
    Mom: Not that Steve from down at the hardware store...
    Maud: No, not THAT Steve. You know, that cop Steve who's always taking our pot and smoking it himself.
    Mom: Well I'll be! You've sure got us in a pickle this time!
    Maud: I got his gun, cuffs and radio and threw them off the bridge on the way home. Fingers are removed but the teeth are still in there.
    Mom: Well that's a start, I guess. Now get out to that shed - there's work to be done! Here - take a cookie. I've made a little monkey face out of M&M's just the way you like it.
    Maud: Can I have a Dr. Pepper, too?
    Mom: Don't push it.

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  6. February 5th, 2012 #106
    Zippo
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    You are what you eat, and I'm an asshole.


    I guess abortion jokes are too inclusive of the capitalist western notion of the monopolization of sorrow and livestock consumerism?
    srsly why did my sig get deleted?

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  7. February 6th, 2012 #107
    Hobophobic
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    Quote Originally Posted by MaudKip View Post
    Tossing salad.`
    Just make sure it's washed first.
    Now the cops got tanks 'cause the kids got guns
    Shrinks pushin' pills on everyone
    Cancer from the ocean, cancer from the sun
    Straight to Hell we go
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  8. February 6th, 2012 #108
    MaudKip
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    Make me...


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    Quote Originally Posted by runestone View Post
    Maud: Mom, I accidentally shot someone in the head while stoned.
    Mom: (Stops mixing cookie dough and puts hands on hips) Oh, Maudie-plop! Whatever shall we do with you?
    Maud: (Looks down at floor and shuffles feet nervously) IDK, just kill me I guess.
    Mom: (Attempts to brush Maud's hair with her hands) Listen, I want that long face gone, Mister. You know the drill.
    Maud: Yes mom. I'll get the handsaw and tomahawk from the shed.
    Mom: Don't forget to set the woodchipper up in the back yard. Is the body already in the bathtub?
    Maud: Not yet, still in the trunk. I used that plastic wrap to minimise forensics like you taught me.
    Mom: Good boy. Anyway, who'd you finish off this time?
    Maud: Steve.
    Mom: Not that Steve from down at the hardware store...
    Maud: No, not THAT Steve. You know, that cop Steve who's always taking our pot and smoking it himself.
    Mom: Well I'll be! You've sure got us in a pickle this time!
    Maud: I got his gun, cuffs and radio and threw them off the bridge on the way home. Fingers are removed but the teeth are still in there.
    Mom: Well that's a start, I guess. Now get out to that shed - there's work to be done! Here - take a cookie. I've made a little monkey face out of M&M's just the way you like it.
    Maud: Can I have a Dr. Pepper, too?
    Mom: Don't push it.

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  9. February 6th, 2012 #109
    Hobophobic
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    Re: N(o)(o)B

    Touche.

    More of a friendly reminder than a demand though. Still, touche.
    Now the cops got tanks 'cause the kids got guns
    Shrinks pushin' pills on everyone
    Cancer from the ocean, cancer from the sun
    Straight to Hell we go
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