Originally Posted by
runestone
Maud: Mom, I accidentally shot someone in the head while stoned.
Mom: (Stops mixing cookie dough and puts hands on hips) Oh, Maudie-plop! Whatever shall we do with you?
Maud: (Looks down at floor and shuffles feet nervously) IDK, just kill me I guess.
Mom: (Attempts to brush Maud's hair with her hands) Listen, I want that long face gone, Mister. You know the drill.
Maud: Yes mom. I'll get the handsaw and tomahawk from the shed.
Mom: Don't forget to set the woodchipper up in the back yard. Is the body already in the bathtub?
Maud: Not yet, still in the trunk. I used that plastic wrap to minimise forensics like you taught me.
Mom: Good boy. Anyway, who'd you finish off this time?
Maud: Steve.
Mom: Not that Steve from down at the hardware store...
Maud: No, not THAT Steve. You know, that cop Steve who's always taking our pot and smoking it himself.
Mom: Well I'll be! You've sure got us in a pickle this time!
Maud: I got his gun, cuffs and radio and threw them off the bridge on the way home. Fingers are removed but the teeth are still in there.
Mom: Well that's a start, I guess. Now get out to that shed - there's work to be done! Here - take a cookie. I've made a little monkey face out of M&M's just the way you like it.
Maud: Can I have a Dr. Pepper, too?
Mom: Don't push it.
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