First I stopped at McDonald's to get some fries because I'm fat and what else would I do at 5AM? Well, they only served breakfast at 5AM, apparently, so I ordered a burrito. I was swerving a bit trying to eat my gd burrito... not because of the beers... surely... Suddenly, I see lights in my rearview mirror. WTF?! I've never been pulled in my life... what a good time to be pulled, amirite?
So I pull over into a parking lot and three police cars follow me. All I can think is that I'm going to be sitting in the back of one of those cars crying on my way to jail. Anyway, this woman asks for my license and this is how the conversation went:
Fuzz: "Ms. Edwards, have you had anything to drink tonight?"
TBS: "No...."
Fuzz: "How about your friend?" (Lam was with me!)
TBS: "Nope! She's had nothing to drink."
Fuzz: "Well, you see, you were swerving all over the road."
TBS: "Was I?"
Fuzz: "Yes, can you explain that to me?"
TBS: "Well, you see, I was trying to eat this burrito." (shows her trash)
Fuzz: (lol) "Your breath doesn't smell like burritos."
TBS: "I probably smell like cigarettes."
Fuzz: "Why would you smell like cigarettes?"
TBS: "I've been smoking the last few hours." (I also smelled like vomit & secks & vodka, tyvm.)
Fuzz: "Alright, can you say the alphabet for me?"
TBS: "A B C..." (articulated A-Z very well, tyvm!)
Fuzz: "So do you have any more burritos in there?"
TBS: "No, ma'am..."
Fuzz: "Good, let's keep it that way."
TBS: "Ok?"
Fuzz: "Have a good evening, Ms. Edwards."
TBS: "Yeah, goodnight."
Fuzz: "Remember, no more burritos."
And that's the story of my DUI burrito.
Originally Posted by BilliePirate
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